Hail, good gentlefolk, and welcome to the post in in whiche I describe the travestye and odd charme of the lifeless rom-com in whiche the ultimate goth girl, Christina Ricci—whom thou mayest know as Wednesday Addams—did find romance at a Renaissance faire.

Women-in-prison, martial arts, spaghetti western, WWII spy movie mashup!

A medieval Harvey Keitel battles a space-alien dragon while Klaus Kinski tries to help a princess with her love life. Makes perfect sense.

The Mole People has it all—implausible plot, dodgy science, adventure, square-jawed heroes, girls to be saved, monsters with zippers up their backs, John Agar—and it’s dialed up to 11.

Jane Seymour does what she does best—made-for-TV romance—except this time it's a gothic, and she gets steamy with a ghost.

Behind Abominable Advent Calendar Door 12, grumpy cop Rutger Hauer is annoyed by his new rookie partner, chases aliens through sewers, and is put upon by pigeons.