What could possibly be better than a Bruno Mattei Aliens-Terminator ripoff with rubber monsters and '80s exploitation stars penned by the writers of Troll 2 and shot in what looks like the locker room of a municipal swimming pool? Nothing, my friends. Nothing.

Alligator people; car-headlight-eye cyclops; flying guillotines, limbs, and heads; magic mushrooms; booby traps; laser-eye dragon statues; and all sorts of other goofy stuff—in other words, schlock-and-awe moments around every corner.

If you’re a true fan of bad movies—if The Room and Fatal Findings are the bad cinema kiddie pool as far as you’re concerned and you need a fresh fix—meet your new favorite fixation: Terror in the Jungle.

Astronauts John Saxon, Judi Meredith, Basil Rathbone, and Dennis Hopper must fight a feral, oversexed, alien CindyLou Who

Hail, good gentlefolk, and welcome to the post in in whiche I describe the travestye and odd charme of the lifeless rom-com in whiche the ultimate goth girl, Christina Ricci—whom thou mayest know as Wednesday Addams—did find romance at a Renaissance faire.