Abominable Advent Calendar Day 23: Latitude Zero (1969)
Crapsterpiece Category: B-Movie Badness
Heads up: cruelty to extremely fake animals; Caesar Romero mustache-twirling
Latitude Zero is an oddball production that was supposed to be a collaboration between the American company Four Star Productions and the famous Japanese Toho company (home of Godzilla), but Four Star pulled out due to financial difficulties, so it was largely a Toho production shot in English with a Japanese and American cast. It definitely has the Toho vibe, although it’s quite different from most Toho projects. If you like Johnny Quest, 20,000 Leagues under the Sea, or Sealab 2021, you’ll love this weird crapsterpiece.
Dr. Tashiro, an oceanographer (Akira Takarada), Dr. Masson, a geologist (Masumi Okada), and Perry Lawton, a reporter (Richard Jaekel) are descending into the ocean in a bathysphere when an underwater volcano erupts. They’re rescued and taken aboard a submarine, the Alpha. They learn that the Alpha is helmed by Craig “Mac” Mackenzie, (Joseph Cotton, looking both jocular in his kicky neckerchief and like he wishes he was still working on Citizen Kane), who is more than 200 years old, and who, like the rest of his crew, wears a blinding amount of gold lamé.
Mac and his crew hail from Latitude Zero, an independent “country” with far superior technology than the rest of earth, and since Dr. Masson was severely injured in the volcano accident, they’re heading there now to heal him, with Mac’s archenemy Dr. Malic (the amazing Caesar Romero, aka the Joker from the Batman TV show) in hot pursuit in his sub the Black Shark. Malic is an evil genius who, with his glamorous partner Lucretia (Patricia Medina), wants to take over the world while sipping exotic cocktails. Assisting him is Captain Krioga (Hikaru Kuroki), who is a bit like a slightly less manic Rita Repulsa.
Mac and the Alpha manage to lose both Malic and Krioga, so Malic orders them all back to his super-hip leopard-print lounge-lair at Blood Rock. (There are no bongos playing, but there should be.) Malic punishes Krioga by putting her brain into the body of a lion that he’s outfitted with the wings of a condor, creating a griffin. Malic (busy boy) has also kidnapped Dr. Okada (Tetsu Nakamura), who has created a formula to immunize people against radiation. Malic wants the formula and also to use Okada as bait to lure Mac to Blood Rock to kill him. Naturally Mac and the team must rescue Okada and face off against Malic. Because that’s what heroes and evil mad scientists with underwater lairs do.
There’s one crazy thing after another in Latitude Zero: the futuristic Latitude Zero world itself; extracting gold from seawater to create clothing (hence the staggering amount of gold lamé); Caesar Romero’s delightful scenery-chewing and weird costumes; the wonderful detail of the model ships; a goofy scene with a caustic wasteland covered in multicolored bones; the list goes on and on.
There are plenty of crazy Toho creatures, too, and although they’re fake-looking, they’re given a great deal of personality by the creature actors who bring them to life, to the point where you’ll feel sympathy for the poor lion-griffin and bat monsters (yes, there are bat monsters). Similarly, Takarada, Cotten, Romero, and the rest of the cast jump into the crazy with both feet, even if, in Cotten’s case, he’s not quite sure what the crazy is all about. And as is often true with movies that are so bad they’re good—or in this case enjoyable when it seems like they shouldn’t be—it’s fun to watch people having fun, which makes this weird little crapsterpiece a hidden gem.
