Abominable Advent Calendar Day 18: All’s Faire in Love (2009)
Crapsterpiece Category: WTF Were They Thinking?
Heads up: slumming actors
Hail, good gentlefolk, and welcome to the post in in whiche I describe the travestye and odd charme of the lifeless rom-com in whiche the ultimate goth girl, Christina Ricci—whom thou mayest know as Wednesday Addams—did find romance at a Renaissance faire.
It pains thee, I know.
In this sorry tale, Kate (Ricci) applies for a job, but in the middle of the interview strips off her confining business suit and runs out, opting instead to work at ye olde Renaissance faire with her cousin Jo (Louise Griffiths), who is inexplicably British and suffered a painful breakup the year before with Rusty (Matthew Lillard). At the same time, college football player (Owen Benjamin) Will’s grades are dropping, and in order to stay in school he has to appease Professor Shockworthy (Cedric the Entertainer), who condemns him also to work at the Renaissance faire if he wants to pass his class. Will and Kate meet at the faire and are assigned to work as peasants, but are pushed around by the nobles, led mostly by Rank, played with mustache-twirling glee by Chris Wylde. Will they end up together? Will they win the Grand Finale, which is a lame talent show thing? Will they murder Jester Roy and Horny the Unicorn? (Please?)
Benjamin is about twice as tall as Ricci, and that awkwardness seems symbolic of this whole film; nothing quite works. Jokes don’t land, timing is off, and the whole setup—that the nobles get to boss the peasants around to the point where Princess Jeanette could make Benjamin paint her toenails after hours—makes sense in a feudal system, but not a modern Renaissance faire. The Grand Finale, which is supposed to determine who gets to play the nobles the following year, is just appallingly bad—although that can also make for some good laughs—and the idea that they’d hold Ricci’s dog at knifepoint and everyone would be fine and happy 10 minutes later is ridiculous.
The biggest question is, although Ricci gamely does her best with her role, what the hell is she doing here? She and so many of the cast are just wasted in this film—even Lillard. (Did I mention Ann-Margaret is in this thing too?)
Still, if you’re the kind of person who enjoys the playfulness and imagination of Renaissance faires (and, full disclosure, I worked at one in my misspent youth), the film does capture some of that magic, particularly in the backstage and after-hours scenes. It has charming moments, in its way. But every time you get caught up in the fantasy, you have Rank and Horny to bring you back to bad-movie reality.
